Endless Days

Sometimes time slips by almost unnoticed, and sometimes you are painfully aware of every minute. I've felt the minutes don't always sweep by sometimes. It's been a frustrating week and an up and down week. I spent a good deal of time telling the job centre person who signed me on, my landlord, and my father (in that order) that I have barely managed to apply for anything in the past week. It seems almost a waste of my time even looking for a job at the moment as there seems to be something close to a drought taking place in the market.

There have been some positives. I've purchased a new tin for baking my bread and made a pretty good loaf today. I've also had my CV jazzed up by the career coach and so it is a pretty flexible and exciting thing now. It's flexible enough for me to adapt it specifically for any particular job I wish to apply for. So, as the bread tin will make me sexier bread, I've sexier CV which should help target me towards the perfect job. We shall see if this all comes to pass in the next few weeks. You can see the results of the bread here.

It's difficult dealing with the fact that the job prospects have hit what I can only describe as drought proportions. I wish it were otherwise. It's difficult explaining to people that the current situation offers absolutely no prospects whatsoever. Especially when the people you are telling are your father and the man you pay the rent on your flat to. It's difficult accepting the recovery time seems to be stretching itself into next year now. People are just making do with the staff that they have and treating departures as an option to reduce costs and increase productivity. My surviving colleagues are apparently not enjoying the new role at all, but I still find it little consolation as I've nothing at all to complain about on that front as I've nothing to do.

Everyone always says that they would love to have the time to do whatever they like. Trouble is it takes money. Although I do get something from the Government, and I have some reserves, this isn't enough to keep you surviving for eternity so you end up watching carefully how much money you have and how much you are spending. It's not a good situation. The other difficulty is trying to motivate yourself. Nothing actually needs to be done at that instant. It can be done later. It doesn't matter. Eventually you find yourself in a state of inertia. The other week I managed to say to myself for 3 days I needed to leave the house and get some milk, as I'd run out. After 3 days I had to go out and do something else, so I got some milk then. I'd managed without it for 2 days. That's the biggest challenge I'm finding, getting some structure to my life. Sometimes it's there and then at other times I just can't find it anywhere at all.

Some days I can't even be bothered to enjoy the sunshine.