Final Day

I’m not a touchy, feely person although I do quite a touchy feely job. It’s a strange anomaly of my life in that I am quite a contradictory person. Outwardly too I am very positive but I have my dark moods when I want to shut myself away with Nick Drake’s “Pink Moon” album and just try and be happy about the fact that there is someone out there having an equally bad time of it. As a result of not being the type of person who likes big emotional displays farewells are not my style at all. I sent a goodbye e-mail and wanted to leave it at that but people won’t do that. So I’ve had a few people who want to say how much they wish you well. I’ve never gone out of my way to be a particular way with people so this isn’t easy for me and I really don’t like it. Sometimes you just have to let these things happen.

The most difficult is my colleague who is being made redundant with me. She’s doing well, really well. She has had about 3 interviews this week. I’ve had one this month. I am not feeling good about this at all. My manager has also spent almost all his time attending interviews. He is a phenomenally driven person and I suspect he will rise a great deal higher. There is a steely resolve in him and a sense of self belief which far outweighs his actual ability at the time he arrives in a position. My colleague also has some of this but in a touchy feely way. They have both pretty much got jobs once they leave. People offer them second interviews. They go to them and they dazzle. I am truthful and I’m not getting anywhere because of that, I suspect. I am struggling to deal with her success because it makes my situation seem even more hopeless. I do not feel good about how it makes me feel about her or me.

In work I think integrity is really important. I am pretty much always honest with people about what I can and can’t do. I don’t like to rock the boat and I am not a natural risk taker when I’m doing it in a workplace. I only really take risks when I am drunk and I’m not about to become an alcoholic just to add fibre to my career. I pride myself on being someone you can trust and like on the merits of work alone. I don’t suck up to people as I see no merit in that at all. People like me for who I am, take it, or leave it. I am uncompromising in some respects. It has resulted in me being quite isolated by people at times as I don’t go out of my way to gain favours. My attitude is not to really care about that.

So I am heading off to work for the last time. It’s been a short time but I’ve learnt a lot in this job. Learnt things I never thought I’d even need to know and also things about myself too. Ultimately, in comparison to my last role, it’s been a positive one and not the soul destroying nightmare the other one became. I count myself lucky that, on this occasion, I’ve never walked to work wondering what the point of going there really was, as there was nothing of any relevance to be achieved.

So they’re not getting any long goodbyes I’m just going to hand in my pass and get out of there. The process hasn’t been handled all that well, in my mind, so I am hoping that something good will come of it.